Austen's Story Part I: Answered Prayers

“Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you’ll be criticized anyway.”

~Eleanor Roosevelt

Okay, here’s the thing; I have received a lot of different reactions from people when they find out I had Austen at home, unassisted (meaning without any medical professionals). People are shocked, quite possibly horrified, and very curious. I thought I would write a post explaining how and why I came to this decision. I do want to preface this by saying that I made this decision as an informed, educated “birth junkie” and the decision was soley mine and I was willing to own the outcome. I believe that in the majority of cases, birth is safe, especially when not interfered with by the medical community (in other words every intervention opens the door to a possible complication that then needs to be managed). I view pregnancy, labor and birth as an honor and miracle rather than an inconvenience or disease.



For those of you who think I am off my rocker for having an unassisted birth, I understand where you are coming from. When I first encountered someone who was planning an unassisted birth, I thought she was nuts, not to mention playing Russian Roulette with her and her baby’s lives. Add to that, I have been a huge natural birth advocate since college so I can only imagine the reactions of those of you who do not share that passion! That’s the great thing about growing as a person….you get to learn from others and educate yourself and you hold the power to change your philosophy and mind, and possibly even your life. That is one of the biggest blessings I’ve had since becoming a mother; many of the things I originally scoffed at have been the things I have come to love and accept. I feel very differently about many things in the four years since becoming a mother and I am so grateful for the changes I’ve seen in myself. I used to describe myself as a stubborn person who only saw things in black and white with absolutely no room for grey. Today, although still very much stubborn, I am a much more positive and open-minded person and I am happier because of it. Grey is good.



So, how did I go from planning a birth attended by an obstetrician in a birth center to deciding to take the road less traveled and give birth at home with just Ryan and my sister present? Well, let’s just start at the beginning.



I found out I was pregnant with our third baby just a couple of weeks before my 33^rd birthday. This pregnancy was not planned and I was extremely surprised to see the line appear on the pregnancy test. Our previous pregnancy had ended in miscarriage so I was quick to call my obstetrician’s office the next day to set up my first prenatal appointment. My first appointment was in early June and I was relieved and excited to see the flickering heartbeat on the ultrasound I received that day.



Early pregnancy was easy on me, I had about 2 weeks of mild nausea as my only symptom. I had to constantly remind myself I was creating a life, I felt so good I actually worried if the pregnancy was progressing normally. Around September, I started to have a nagging feeling about my upcoming labor and delivery. I couldn’t pinpoint what I was uneasy about, but it was a feeling I just couldn’t shake and the anxious feelings I had needed to be addressed before they negatively impacted me and my baby. I had a great birth experience with my doctor when I had Chloe, I fully trust him and I know he respects birth and my decisions regarding how I want things to go. But something was telling me that delivering at the BirthCare Center was not what I was supposed to do for this birth. I considered switching my care to a midwife but that didn’t feel like the right fit either.

“The Will of God will not take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.”

One night I prayed before bed about what I should do and asked God to show me what His plan was for me. That night I had a dream that I had the baby at home with only Ryan present. I woke up feeling more peaceful than I had felt in weeks! I truly believe this was my answer from God and who was I to argue with that? I am not sure I’ve ever had such a clear answer from Him before and I was not about to question it. I started making my plans to have an unassisted birth at home, which involved a lot of research, reading, and preparation.



In my third trimester, I ended up being diagnosed with borderline gestational diabetes. My fasting numbers were a little bit high, in pregnancy the goal is to have the fasting number 90 or less and I was routinely in the mid-90s in the mornings. My after meal numbers were always on target at less than 120 two hours after eating, so I honestly wasn’t very concerned about it. In fact, my doctor even said that I could still deliver at the BirthCare Center because my numbers weren’t bad at all; if I had required insulin he would have had me deliver at the hospital because it would have classified me as high risk. The diagnosis didn’t shake me, I still planned on delivering at home, but it was nice to know that if I did decide to go in, I could go where I delivered Tucker and Chloe and not be forced to go to the hospital.



The last part of my pregnancy did not go as swimmingly as the first part. I started to become very physically uncomfortable toward the end battling sciatica and terrible pubic symphysis pain. There were days that just moving my legs was excruciating for me. Because of that, I stopped working in early January, which was much earlier than I had planned. I had somehow convinced myself that I would have the baby early, but he was determined to prove me wrong! Stubborn, just like his Mama!



January held many days of prodromal labor, more commonly known as “false” labor where the contractions are painful but they never lead to an active labor pattern. I would have hours of intense, regular contractions only to have them peter out eventually, leaving me disappointed and tired. I even had one night in particular that brought with it a constant contraction that lasted four hours without letting up! I tried everything I could to get it to go away; I took a bath, I walked around, I laid down, I drank water. I considered drinking some wine but decided against it. It finally went away around 5am, just in time to get a couple of hours of sleep before the kids woke up.



As my due date approached, I started to get more and more impatient and more and more depressed that the baby hadn’t come yet. I was receiving many texts, phone calls and messages asking me where the baby was, which only made me focus on the fact that he wasn’t here yet. At my 39 week appointment, my doctor asked me if I would like him to sweep my membranes (gently separate the amniotic sac from the cervix, which can help labor begin). Wanting to fully trust God’s plan for the pregnancy and birth, I decided against it. I knew that the baby would come when he was ready and I needed to trust my body and my baby for the perfect timing, despite how impatient I was getting. This, afterall, was not about ME.



At my 40 week appointment, I was 3 centimeters dilated, 70% effaced and a -1 station. My doctor told me he predicted I would go into labor anytime in the next two days. Then he told me that if I didn’t have the baby by Friday afternoon, I would have a different doctor delivering me because he was going on a medical missions trip for the next two weeks. Is that what God was telling me months ago when I couldn’t figure out why I felt so unsettled? Was it because my trusted doctor would not be the one attending my birth and I would be left to the doctor on call for their practice, who may or may not be respectful of my wishes? I had always maintained that if at any point before or during labor I felt it was necessary to go to the birth center, I would not hesitate to do so, but when I heard that my doctor would not be attending, I was further determined to have my baby at home.