I have recently been accused of telling the story of Austen's birth to project some sort of machisma. For those of you who felt I was blogging in order to stroke my own ego or brag about myself, I am sorry you mistook my words (and must not know me very well, either). Once those feelings were relayed to me, I immediately deleted my posts and considered never blogging again.
I was embarrassed that I had been horribly misunderstood and my feelings were very hurt. As I wrote about in the first part of this story, the only reason I decided to blog about this was to tell the story from my perspective. Never in a million years would I have guessed someone would think I was doing so for self-serving purposes.
Perhaps I should have just asked those on Facebook who "outed" me to delete their posts, perhaps I should have just left well enough alone and not told the story at all. But why? I love hearing about other people's birth experiences and thought maybe people would like to hear mine. The truth is, even though my original intention was not to publicly discuss Austen's birth, I enjoyed writing it for others to read even though it made me feel incredibly vulnerable. I blogged about Tucker and Chloe's births and those stories weren't seen as self-serving, so why was this?
I don't have (or want) a large readership so when I get negative feedback, it hurts. My readers are literally my friends and family so it stings even more when someone who is supposed to know me perceives me as someone I am not. I don't expect everyone to always agree with what I have to say, I am not delusional. I know that I am still being judged even after telling the birth story, and I'm okay with that. I am not seeking anyone's approval over my experiences, whether related to Austen's birth story or otherwise.
Thanks to my mom's encouragement, the birth story is back up. This is my blog, my story and I will not allow anyone to make me feel badly about what I want to say.
