Bite the Bullet

Today sucked.  There, I said it.  For the past 2 months or so, we have really been struggling with Tucker's behavior.  I am unsure if he's just testing limits as a five year old, if he is reacting to foods again, or something else.  He takes on a bully-ish, controlling attitude that refuses to be reasoned with.  It's exhausting.  And it makes me sad. 

Late last year, we put Tucker through some food sensitivity testing called LEAP.  It is similar to allergy testing, but detects sensitivities instead of allergies.  We already know he cannot have any artificial food dyes (I will share more on that someday, complete with video, but I am not emotionally ready to tackle that post quite yet), and I was suspecting other issues with his constant dark undereye circles.  He came back sensitive to some things he was (and still is) ingesting on a regular basis (i.e. wheat, chicken, cocoa, apples, etc.). 

I know that I need to get him on his elimination diet but have been dragging my feet for some reason.  I think I feel overwhelmed by it, even though it really won't be too difficult once we face the initial battle over him being unable to eat "normal" kid foods like PB&J and chocolate. 

He reacts so horribly to food dye, over my dead body would I let him ingest it on purpose.  I am hoping (praying) that by eliminating his triggers left on the list, I will get my sweet boy back.  Just have to bite the bullet and make it happen. 

The First of Many

Tucker graduated from preschool last week, the first of (hopefully) many graduation ceremonies for him.  I started crying during the processional.  When he walked past me, he got the biggest grin on his face and did his quirky wink, fingersnap and thumbs up combo toward me.  However, I really started crying when he brought me a yellow carnation during the first song.  There was something that stung with that....like this is the moment he grows up.  He will start school in the fall and will be in school until he is, essentially, an adult.  Like I am turning the page of his childhood and the new chapter is starting.  (psssst...I am crying again).  

 He wants to be a ninja warrior when he grows up.

Don't blink, Mamas.  It happens way too fast.

Hip to be Square

This morning I handed Tucker three new pairs of shorts to try on, the fist pair was plaid.

 "Mom, this fits perfectly! Is it kind of camouflaged for when you go into a place with a bunch of squares?"

Salvaged

That's how I feel like today went.  I woke up to a disaster of a house....the living room was trashed, dishes were piled up in the kitchen (we don't have a dishwasher.....well, we have one and it's me), laundry piles on the sofa, and the trash smelled like ass.  I was overwhelmed as soon as I walked out of my bedroom.

We were just coming off of over a week of sick, vomiting kids so things had been neglected throughout the week.  I don't deal well with chaos.  It makes me nutty and moody.  And sometimes it's easier for me to stick my head in the sand instead of tackling the tasks at hand.

In my normal ostrich fashion, I opened up the computer and got on Facebook.  One of the first posts I read had the absolute perfect quote for me today,

"You will achieve grand dream, a day at a time, so set goals for each day -- not long and difficult projects, but chores that will take you, step by step, toward your rainbow. Write them down, if you must, but limit your list so that you won't have to drag today's undone matters into tomorrow. Remember that you cannot build your pyramid in twenty-four hours. Be patient. Never allow your day to become so cluttered that you neglect your most important goal -- to do the best you can, enjoy this day, and rest satisfied with what you have accomplished." Og Mandino —

I refocused and made a plan. I put just a few tasks on my to-do list for today....just the essentials to help me regain control over things enough that I wouldn't be mortified if someone came to the door today:  dishes, pick up, take trash out, dust and vacuum.  And taking away the expectation that it all had to be done today helped me so much.  I baby stepped my to do list while Tucker was in preschool and had it all done by the time he was out!  I felt so much better!

The kids and I had a really great day, we played inside and outside, watched a movie and read books together.  We had "I love you more" contests and laughed a lot.  Yep.  I will definitely go to bed tonight knowing I did the best I could, I enjoyed the day and I am satisfied with what I accomplished.

Home Base

Ryan and Tucker have been playing dodge ball with various pillows and stuffed animals lately.  Really, it's more of an all out assault on Tucker while he runs and dives for cover between furniture in the living room.  It's hysterical and he giggles like a little girl during it.

The other day, Ryan was asking Tucker where his "home base" was.  Remember when we were little and played tag in the front yard and there was a base you could run to and be safe?  Yeah, that kind of home base.

Ryan:  Where is your base?
Tucker:  (confused look on his face)  On the piano.



Bass Clef.  Hahahaha!!!!!!!!  He's obviously learning something in his piano lessons!

Happy Birthday, Tucker!

Dear Tucker Shay,

Today you turned five years old!  We are in the middle of the second biggest blizzard Kansas has ever seen and Daddy couldn't wait for you to wake up today!  You came out of your room with a smile on your face, like you always do.  You are such a morning person!  I have no idea how that happened.  You were wearing your "bones" jammies, which are black pajamas with glow-in-the-dark skeleton bones on them.  You usually just sleep in your underwear so you must have been cold last night! 

You climbed up on my lap and sat with me in the rocking chair for a few minutes.  I decided to ask you some questions about what it was like for you to be five, the conversation went like this:

Mommy:  How old are you today, Tucker?
You:  I'm five!!!!
Mommy:  What is your favorite color?
You: Orange (this was a first, you usually say blue!)
Mommy:  Who is your favorite friend?
You:  Garrison (a boy in your preschool class)
Mommy:  What is your favorite food?
You:  Grapes  (Seriously???  What about pizza, PB&J, hamburgers, pancakes, etc.!!!)
Mommy:  What do you want to be when you grow up?
You:  A Dad.
Mommy:  Oh really?  How many kids would you like to have?
You:  One.  A boy baby.
Mommy:  What would you name him?
You:  Austen Scott. 

You are so cute!  Thank you for letting me interview you.  I interviewed you again later in the day with the video camera.  You pretty much stuck to these exact answers though, only exchanging grapes for oranges! 

You spent the day mostly playing in the snow.  Daddy pulled you and Chloe on a sled with the 4-wheeler and you had a great time!  You wanted to go to Pizza Hut for your birthday dinner and luckily they were open!  Most places were closed due to the snowstorm. 

After dinner we came home and you opened your presents from us.  And this is where I beamed with pride.  You were so excited and gracious about every single gift you received.  I was worried that I didn't get you anything really cool, but as it turns out, plastic bugs may have been the coolest gift ever in your little mind!  You thanked us for each thing and showed genuine enthusiasm even when you opened sweatpants.  You are such an exceptional boy!  You are also really excited to start the piano lessons I told you about.

You told us you loved us about a million times before bed and you even indulged me in a hug and kiss at 7:15pm, the time you were born.  I am so proud of you, Tucker.  I am so lucky to be your Mom.  You physically favor your Dad but you have mostly my personality.  You are a little OCD, very organized, you have to know everything that will happen ahead of time, and you ask a bazillion questions a day!  You love preschool and will be our little student.  The sky truly is the limit for you!  I love you so very much baby boy (yes, I still call you that!)! 

Love you forever,
Mommy

Sprinkle Toes

I am loving my idea of using my blog as a replacement for my kid notebooks!  Sorry to those of you who would rather read other ramblings! 

Chloe was sitting at the table for lunch today when a look of panic and pain washed over her face.  She looked down at her foot, looked at me, looked down at her foot and I could tell she was disturbed by something. 

"Chloe, what's wrong with your foot?"

"It's sprinkling!"

Poor dear had been sitting on her foot and it fell asleep, haha!

I'm So Over It.

I realize I am in the minority here, because according to Pinterest and my Facebook feed, these things are on trend.  All they do for me is make me wish I could fast forward to the next new thing.

My "What the Poo?" List:
Chevron pattern.
Fingernail art.
Rockabilly.
Toms shoes.
Most of the art made from foot/handprints (some really is cute).
Body by Vi (or any other multi-level marketing business).
Headless photography.

Boon!

I was rocking and nursing Austen tonight before bed.  I could feel he was fighting sleep, I could feel his head get heavy with sleep and quickly snap back up as he fought dreamland.  The lights were low, the tv was on and I was deep in thought about something I don't even remember. 

Out of nowhere, Austen sat up and yelled, "Boo!"  I laughed, thinking he was playing a game with me but then I realized that floating above our heads was his helium balloon from his party three weeks ago, he said "boon!"  How cute! 

So This Is Love

Happy Valentine's Day!

Just a couple of quick Chloe stories for you!

Last night, Chloe was up later than the other two.  She was so sweet, she laid on the couch with Ryan for about an hour looking at books and then she came and snuggled on my lap, repeatedly giving me hugs and kisses and telling me she loves me.  She really is so sweet and affectionate, I love it! 

Then she came to me, wearing her blue Cinderella costume and asked me to dance with her.  In the dark living room, with the tv flickering in the background, we slow danced while she sang "So This Is Love" from Cinderella.  Cutest.Sweetest.Thing.Ever  Melted my heart! 

Then tonight, she got in trouble at dinner for tipping her chair backwards.  Ryan had already given her two warnings so she had to go sit on her bed.  When she got out of time out, I noticed she had some snot that needed wiped up so I grabbed a Kleenex and wiped her nose.  Then she looked at me and asked me to wipe her "cry water" off her eyes too.  Precious girl! 

Coco

Chloe-isms overheard while playing:

"Run!!!  It's a ci-wotey!"  (coyote)

She also calls Snoopy, "Snoofy"

Me llamo Tuh-Tuh

I have a notebook for each child that I bought last year when I was pregnant with Austen.  I had grand ideas of writing to each one on a regular basis.  Insert Mommy Fail.  I have written to Tucker and Chloe once, and Austen's book only contains his footprints from his first week of life.  Sigh.

After I realized I was not fulfilling my intention of filling the books of heartfelt words to each of them, I decided I would have just one notebook for all of the kids and I would fill it with all of the funny and sweet one-liners they come up with.  Insert Mommy Fail #2.

The problem with this is that I forget in the moment, it never gets written down and then inevitably I forget what was even said.  That makes me sad, that I'm forgetting some of the hysterical, smart, quirky things they come up with because my notebook is out of sight, out of mind.

Enter my computer.  My laptop sits open in our living room on an end table and is on all day long.  I hop on and off throughout the day to check email or Facebook so I think I may be able to post all of the things originally intended for the notebooks.  I will tag them with each child's name involved in said conversation or story so they can easily be found later.

Which brings me to this mornings "ism" as I like to call them.  This one was a Tuckerism..

I was in the rocking chair this morning with all three kids and we were trying to get Austen to say their names.

Me:  Austen, can you say "Tucker?"
Austen:  (pointing at Tucker) Tuh-Tuh
Me:  Tucker!  Austen just said your name!!!
Tucker:  (raising one eyebrow) Was he speaking Spanish?

Happy Birthday, Baby Aussie

Dear Aussie, Aussers, Austen Boston, Bubba, Little Turd,

You are One today.

Happy Birthday, Little Mister!

You are such an incredible little man.  I don't know if it's because you are my last baby or because of our bond over your birth, but you are magical.  Magical in more ways than I can count.

Your eyes.  You have the most breathtaking indigo eyes with eyelashes any woman would covet.  They are your Daddy's eyes and the first time I saw his, I knew.  He was my destiny and so are you.

Your smile.  It gives me butterflies.  Your whole face lights up and those gorgeous eyes sparkle and 7 (almost 8!) teeny tiny toofers make their appearance.  

Your hair.  Strawberry blonde and just starting to show the signs of curls.  Hair that soaks with sweat when you sleep, hair that you pull on the rare occasion you decide to have a meltdown. 

Your personality.  You love to cuddle and snuggle and I am going to admit that you have me wrapped around your little finger.  Did you know that you have been held for every single nap you've had outside of your carseat?  Spoiled, loved, cherished...you could call it many things I suppose.  I don't regret one single minute of it.

Your loves.  You love milkies from Mommy.  In the past two months, you have really taken to eating solids and your favorites right now are broccoli, string cheese, yogurt melts, bananas, and meats.  You love playing with Tucker and Chloe and you love Daddy, especially when he tosses you into the air.  Your Grandparents are also at the top of your list of favorite people.  Grandma and Grandpa & Grammie and Papa are the ones who watch you while I work a couple of days a week.   You love dogs and pant and make an attempt at a "woof" when you see them.   You also love bathtime and you throw a fit when it's time to get out of the water.  Speaking of bathtime, you are obsessed with trying to sneak into the bathroom anytime the door is left open.  That's gross, Austen.  Please stop. 

Your dislikes.  Sleeping alone, getting buckled in the carseat, diaper changes, getting dressed.  I am lucky that this list is short!  You are such an agreeable little man!

Your talents and skills.  You can sign for "milk" and "more" and we are working on please, eat and thank you.  You can say "mama", "dada", "more", and "banana."  You are starting to stand unassisted but aren't quite ready to walk yet, but I think it will be soon!  You love to babble and you have such a cute raspy voice.  You like to imitate and shake your head no.  You are a tiny little thing, you only weigh 16.5 pounds, up just 5.5 since you were born!  You wear 6-9 month and some 12 month clothes.  

As I rocked you tonight while you nursed, I noted that the clock ticked past 8:03pm, the time you were born.  I rubbed your little head, just as I did one year ago tonight.  Coincidentally, the chair I rocked you in tonight is in the exact location you were born, right here in our living room.  We trusted each other so much that night, I listened to you and you listened to me.  We were a team.  We are a team.

I can't wait to soak up the next year of your life, Austen Grey.  I love you more with every second that passes.  You are destined for greatness and I will be there every step of the way cheering you on! 

Evolution, Part One

As parents, I think we all have regrets.  Unfortunately, my biggest regret is one that can never be reversed and weighs heavily on my mind almost five years later.  It was also a decision that was made without appropriate research, one I deferred to Ryan, and one that I knew in my heart was wrong.  It was a mistake I was not going to make if given a second chance, and when we found out we were having another boy, I was granted that second chance.

When you know better, you do better.

I'm talking about routine infant circumcision.  I am posting about it because this is one of the topics that falls under the "I Wish I Would Have Known Then" categories in life.  So, what exactly do I wish I would have known?  Well for starters.....

I wish I would have known that the foreskin is a functional, protective part of the penis.  It is actually fused to the head of the penis until the child is older.  Let me say that again.  The foreskin is fused to the head of the penis.  I did not know that!  How could I not have known that?  Here I was, thinking that it was as somewhat minor snipping of some loose, hanging skin.  It makes me cry to think that they shove a metal instrument between the foreskin and the glans and then cut the skin off!  That would be like shoving something underneath your toenail, except we are talking about genitals here! 

Are you horrified yet?  Oh, I have more....

We have already established that the foreskin is not "just loose skin," but it actually has a function.  It's job is to protect and lubricate the head of the penis.  It is highly innervated and has a rich supply of blood vessels.  Do me a favor.  I want you to take your finger and press your lower lip.  Now I want you take your fingernail and lightly sweep your lower lip back and forth.  Feel the difference?  The lips contain the same type of nerves the head of the penis has and you have experienced a very good example of what a circumcised vs. uncircumcised man experiences.  We are desensitizing and mutilating our sons! If we talked of female circumcision, we would all be horrified, so why the double standard for our sons? 

And when they tell you in the hospital that your sweet, perfectly formed newborn son didn't even cry or feel pain during the procedure?  That's a lie.  Your son went into a deep shock.  Infant circumcision causes severe, persistent pain.  I experienced this first hand.  Diaper changes, even after the rawness was gone, seemed painful for Tucker.  He would scream during diaper changes up until the time he potty trained.

Common Questions and Arguments:

But don't I want Austen to look the same as his Daddy and brother?  No.  Hell no.  I am 1,000% confident in my decision and this is probably the #1 reason most people decide to circumcise their sons.  If your husband had one arm, would you chop your baby's arm off so he could look like Daddy?  I think not. 

But aren't I worried that he might be teased when his little friends find out he looks different?  No.  Tucker has already questioned why Austen is different and I just explained that every body is different.  From the tops of our head to the tips of our toes, we have different looking parts, private parts are no exception.  When he is older, I will discuss with Tucker that I did not know it was wrong when he was born and I will take the time to answer his questions at length.  For now, we are keeping it at a five year old explanation.  Additionally, as people become educated, the rate of circumcision is dropping so he is likely to not be the only uncircumcised boy in the locker room.

But circumcision decreases the risk of STDs and penile cancer, right?  No.  The studies have shown that a properly cared for, intact penis does not carry a heightened risk of any disease or complication.  I repeat, circumcision is a purely cosmetic procedure.
 
But what if I don't want to mess with the special care an intact penis requires?  Um, an intact penis does not require any special care.  You simply wipe it just like you would clean a finger.  You never, ever retract the foreskin until it retracts on its own.  Your son will likely be cleaning himself when that happens, and at that point you can have a discussion with him about the importance of retracting the skin and cleaning properly.  

God made your son perfect.  Please leave him that way.

When you know better, you do better. 


savingsons.org

2013

Happy New Year! 

I know that this blog has become quiet but according to my stats toolbar, people are still peeking in on me!  There are many post topics that I have rolling around in my head and I am hoping to share some of those soon. 

I have been struggling with finding my voice in the blogging world.  I have so much to say, mostly about childhood nutrition, but I struggle because I don't want to come across as preachy or know-it-all and with written word, sometimes tone and intention is lost. 

So, I guess consider this my disclaimer for future posts.  I will blog about what I am passionate about, but please realize that it comes from a place of wanting to help and wanting to spread the word about different topics.  Some of the topics I intend to talk about this year range from food dyes, food sensitivity testing, routine infant circumcision, and probably plenty "I wish I would have known then" posts. 

Interspersed in my ramblings, I intend to also include plenty of pictures and stories about The Clones.  Ryan got me an awesome new camera for Christmas, and even though I have no idea how to work it yet, I am loving having better quality pictures to share!  I am on the lookout for some basic photography classes so I can hopefully develop a new hobby! 

Other things that will happen this year that I am excited (and scared) for:  my 35th birthday in May (WHAT!?), the fact that I verbally committed to completing The Warrior Dash in June with my friend Becky (OMG!), I joined the YMCA and plan to start working out regularly again, which I have not done since, oh, about 1998 (yes, 1998).  2013:  Bring it, I'm ready!