As parents, I think we all have regrets. Unfortunately, my biggest regret is one that can never be reversed and weighs heavily on my mind almost five years later. It was also a decision that was made without appropriate research, one I deferred to Ryan, and one that I knew in my heart was wrong. It was a mistake I was not going to make if given a second chance, and when we found out we were having another boy, I was granted that second chance.
When you know better, you do better.
I'm talking about routine infant circumcision. I am posting about it because this is one of the topics that falls under the "I Wish I Would Have Known Then" categories in life. So, what exactly do I wish I would have known? Well for starters.....
I wish I would have known that the foreskin is a functional, protective part of the penis. It is actually fused to the head of the penis until the child is older. Let me say that again. The foreskin is fused to the head of the penis. I did not know that! How could I not have known that? Here I was, thinking that it was as somewhat minor snipping of some loose, hanging skin. It makes me cry to think that they shove a metal instrument between the foreskin and the glans and then cut the skin off! That would be like shoving something underneath your toenail, except we are talking about genitals here!
Are you horrified yet? Oh, I have more....
We have already established that the foreskin is not "just loose skin," but it actually has a function. It's job is to protect and lubricate the head of the penis. It is highly innervated and has a rich supply of blood vessels. Do me a favor. I want you to take your finger and press your lower lip. Now I want you take your fingernail and lightly sweep your lower lip back and forth. Feel the difference? The lips contain the same type of nerves the head of the penis has and you have experienced a very good example of what a circumcised vs. uncircumcised man experiences. We are desensitizing and mutilating our sons! If we talked of female circumcision, we would all be horrified, so why the double standard for our sons?
And when they tell you in the hospital that your sweet, perfectly formed newborn son didn't even cry or feel pain during the procedure? That's a lie. Your son went into a deep shock. Infant circumcision causes severe, persistent pain. I experienced this first hand. Diaper changes, even after the rawness was gone, seemed painful for Tucker. He would scream during diaper changes up until the time he potty trained.
Common Questions and Arguments:
But don't I want Austen to look the same as his Daddy and brother? No. Hell no. I am 1,000% confident in my decision and this is probably the #1 reason most people decide to circumcise their sons. If your husband had one arm, would you chop your baby's arm off so he could look like Daddy? I think not.
But aren't I worried that he might be teased when his little friends find out he looks different? No. Tucker has already questioned why Austen is different and I just explained that every body is different. From the tops of our head to the tips of our toes, we have different looking parts, private parts are no exception. When he is older, I will discuss with Tucker that I did not know it was wrong when he was born and I will take the time to answer his questions at length. For now, we are keeping it at a five year old explanation. Additionally, as people become educated, the rate of circumcision is dropping so he is likely to not be the only uncircumcised boy in the locker room.
But circumcision decreases the risk of STDs and penile cancer, right? No. The studies have shown that a properly cared for, intact penis does not carry a heightened risk of any disease or complication. I repeat, circumcision is a purely cosmetic procedure.
But what if I don't want to mess with the special care an intact penis requires? Um, an intact penis does not require any special care. You simply wipe it just like you would clean a finger. You never, ever retract the foreskin until it retracts on its own. Your son will likely be cleaning himself when that happens, and at that point you can have a discussion with him about the importance of retracting the skin and cleaning properly.
God made your son perfect. Please leave him that way.
When you know better, you do better.
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