As any mom knows, once you cross that threshold of becoming a mom, you never really, truly get any time to yourself. This includes trips to the toilet and showering.
Especially trips to the toilet and showering.
I generally shower at night in order to afford myself a nice long shower without interruptions but today I decided to take a mid-morning shower since it was the weekend and Ryan was available to oversee the childhood shenanigans.
Not only did I want to take a shower that would last more than five minutes, I wanted the door to be shut so I could get the bathroom nice and hot, (as my usual day shower is spent with the door wide open and me sticking my sudsy head out repeatedly checking for baby cries) I also wanted the door to be locked so I, for once, didn't have little heads popping into the curtain or little ones' poops distracting from my buttercream scented bodywash .
No sooner than I had started the hot water, undressed and was ready to get in, there was a knock on the door. I answered and it was Chloe, needing to potty. I was irritated, as it seems that without fail, as soon as my shower water is started, it imparts a laxative effect on one or both of the older kids' colons and my showers are spent having deep conversations while the kids pinch a loaf. I was, admittedly, a little snippish with her, helped her potty and then scooted her booty out the door, locking it behind her.
I took my shower and got out about 15 minutes later. When I was combing my hair, Chloe came up to me and told me I hurt her feelings. Not really knowing what she was talking about, I brushed it off, clipped a barrette in her hair and we went about our day.
Later in the day, we were driving in the car and Ryan told me what happened while I was in the shower.
He found Chloe in her closet, in the dark. She was sobbing. I had hurt her feelings by being short with her and locking her out of the bathroom. My heart broke into a million pieces! My poor, sweet baby girl! Something I didn't even recall had completely crushed her! I felt like a piece of crap, to say the very least!
I tried making it up to her later with extra hugs and affection but I feel like it is too late. She was sobbing in the dark in her closet because of ME and my selfishness of wanting to be alone. I have never claimed to be a perfect parent, a perfect parent does not even exist, it's not even in the realm of possibilities. But I do try and today I failed. Miserably. :(
Katy! I'm crying with you! I have felt the same way on many occassions with Landon. We certainly are not perfect, but we ARE the perfect parents for our little ones. You, My Dear, are an amazing Mama! You already know that though. :-)
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